she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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