Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
