holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
