we have pet lesbian snakes
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
