Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just threw up on my dentist
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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