you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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