If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
