he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
