you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
