I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
