You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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