They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
