At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
