either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
