you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
