I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
