it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
