i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So. Much. Porn.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
