One girl and one boy is just not enough.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
