shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
