what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
