Can i not drive my cunt home
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
