i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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