I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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