I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
