So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
