this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
