I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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