We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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