He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
