Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
