question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
