I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
