It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
