It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
FUCK WHALES
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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