weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
