Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
