There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
