i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
