it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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