Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
