You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
