I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
