I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
