No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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