so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
