Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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