They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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