it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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