Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
