Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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