i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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