how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
